1. |
Held in Place
03:17
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Just give me time.
Maybe just the rest of my life.
For me to finally find
the reason why I am the way I am.
In-between loneliness and being afraid
is where my bed has been made
surrounded by the hope that this could change.
But it won't!
It's been a while
since we navigated the seas.
Since there was a reason to be
as close as we were in catastrophe.
I can't see the difference between
the things you say and the things I need.
There's no way this would ever come true.
I'm held in place
by a distant memory
or maybe it was just a dream?
Whichever it was it's gone down the stream.
I need to get better.
I need to change.
But into what?
I don't know
But if I don't I'll sink just like a stone.
I can't see the difference between
the things you say and the things I need.
There's no way this would ever come true.
I wish i never put it all on you!
Put it all on you!
Put it all on you!
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2. |
Ruin Everything
03:27
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Turn the key, pop the lock, open up the box.
Place inside the piece of me that will never stop
whispering, "it's not too late".
Too much time I have spent hoping this could change.
But I know now that I'm the one who needs to go away
or I'll become a ghost who sits and waits.
I know that I'm not alone.
But it feels like I'm alone.
Disappoint, disapproved, disillusioned that
I disregarded what I know about what we have.
I wanted more. I wanted to be yours.
So I block it out cos I wanna believe
that if I give and give then I would receive
but I know you don't owe me a single thing.
Cos I can't come close to what you need.
You have everything without me.
Some days move fast but when they're slow
I'll catch a glimpse of what I already know.
I was told to give it just a little more time
but I'm starting to think that was a lie.
I need to find a way to numb inside.
Now I won't presume to know what you would say
but I reckon it's something like, "Are you insane?
Why did you have to ruin everything?"
Cos I can't pretend anymore.
This is killing me. I've lost the war.
So bury me in your anger.
It's the only way I'll be free.
Turn the key, pop the lock, open up the box.
Place inside the piece of me that will never stop.
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3. |
Boy Who Doesn't Know
03:10
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In the morning I can't help but think
that I have said too much.
I almost let it out.
Disregard this look on my face
and all those insinuations.
Can we go back to before you learned?
Some days it feels like I'm getting better.
There's no sense in my mind.
I'm driving blind.
There's a hum at the base of my skull
and it's wired to my heart.
It's controlling me.
I used to think that I didn't feel much.
Well now I'm feeling it all.
Can we go back to before I turned?
Some days it feels like I'm getting better.
There's no sense in my mind.
Don't give up on me.
I'm doing my best to see clearly.
If hope fades then
you can go.
You don't need to waste your time
on a boy who doesn't know.
A boy who doesn't know
the difference between lust and love!
You should go!
You should go!
You should go!
Go!
Go!
Go!
Before you change your mind.
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4. |
Forgive, Forget, Repeat
03:31
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I try to hide the signs.
It's a lot sometimes.
It keeps me making these old mistakes.
Forgive, forget repeat
and then take a back seat
and watch me do this all again.
I'm always wondering what gets left unsaid.
I woke up today and felt the weight of everything I've done.
I can't get away from feeling like I don't matter
to you.
I used to not feel a lot,
but i was pretty good kid
until I fell far from the tree.
These days I can't seem to find
any reason why
I can't make this go away.
I think I've had enough.
You notice things I don't.
You know it's true.
I think that I've had enough.
Sometimes
we all think we've had enough.
And giving it time
just makes things worse.
I woke up today and felt the weight of everything I've done.
I can't get away from feeling like I don't matter.
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5. |
Break When Dead
03:51
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I almost let it happen.
I almost lightened the load.
But then I felt afraid again that
it would be too heavy to hold
for you so I
I'll keep holding it tight.
It's hard for me to focus
on anything that is real.
I get intoxicated by the things
that I imagine you feel.
It's so unkind.
It's so unfair
the things we say like "I will always be there."
I know it must be heavy
but you can carry it.
You don't want to
but you have to.
Some days are better
and some days are long.
And in-between are many scenes
that shape the way that you see it all.
Just don't hold on
to the things
I said to you in a drunken state.
It's so unkind.
It's so unfair
the things we say like "I will always be there."
And yes i do believe
that will only get better.
And I bet you'd agree
its serendipitous
just a little bit.
Old
habits
are easy to break when dead.
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6. |
Undecided
04:16
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I can't deny
there's a buzzing in my mind
cutting through
the precious stories that I carved for us.
It's got me wondering
and second guessing
if I know you.
The cloud that I made
is growing thinner everyday.
Slowly
I'm seeing that I fucked myself.
Not again.
I can't stop living
in my mind untrue.
I filled my empty room
with a feeling
gifted by you.
I need to learn
not to jump the gun and run.
Everyday
I'm looking for pieces to fill the holes in me.
These old impressions
bring on depression.
You
told me
that you were not in a place to start again.
But did I listen?
Of course not.
I just took what you said and I twisted it.
I filled my empty room
with a feeling
gifted by you.
Just a little bit
Just a little bit
Just a little bit undecided.
Just a little bit
Just a little bit
Just a little bit undecided.
Just a little bit
Just a little bit undecided
if I know you.
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7. |
Stripes of My Coat
03:16
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If I go broke telling jokes it's fine.
I'm accepting new reasons to feel anything close to alright.
The immature, snot-nosed kid in me
thinks it's so funny that I'm sitting here so lonely.
I'm tracing back the steps I took.
But I drank too much and only see
all of these reasons
why nobody calls me anymore.
I told you once I find it hard to be
the kind of person that I want you to be for me.
So the years went on and distance grew
now I
can only be mad at me.
Mad that I did not lie.
I don't know why I told the truth.
I hoped I could be different but now I see
that there's no way to
change the stripes of my coat,
change who I am in my soul.
When I was younger boy did I hate myself.
Well now I'm older and there's no need.
Everybody does it for me.
There's not much to say when
the truth kicks you out of your home.
I can't change the stripes of my coat.
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8. |
Staying This Way
02:14
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I tried
I tried to forget
the person that I was, the things I said.
But the truth
is I have not changed.
I've just gotten better at playing this game.
After work
I pour a drink
and wrap my arms around this poor thing.
And I hope
I can enjoy
what I always forget.
I think I'm staying this way.
I'm staying this way.
I think I'm staying this way.
Into old age.
Just ignore what I say.
I won't remember anyway.
I think I'm staying this way.
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Small Engine Fire Austin, Texas
"With Small Engine Fire, Ray Garza finds a safe haven to unspool anxieties and insecurities with quirkily-human indie rock. The quartet just lit the wick on that record with a solemn scorcher of a lead single, “Ruin Everything”, a slow-burning indie rock inferno stoked by infectious embers of instrumental interplay and subtle dynamic shifts." - Jack Anderson KUTX ... more
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